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†Journal # 16 :: Jess wrote a book‡
†Date & Time: 26th of May, 2006; 10:46am‡
†Weather: Typical summer day. It’s so darn boring…‡
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Suilan, Mellonamin!
Ate Beth helped me far more than she ever thought. Ironic though, that I realized my inabilities due our little…argument. It was when we…discussed…what God’s will is, was when it begun…the realization of what happened before, why I am this way today, and more importantly, who I really am. Quite deep eh? Essentially, I realized I can apply what I learned from my Psychology class to my life. I am afraid of people. It’s some kind of a social phobia. That’s aside from my IQ>EQ thing, of course: Read Link. Thanks to Ms. Jessica Zafra, by the way…Her blog’s are on my Links list.
That aside, how did I ended up with such phobia? It’s very simple. Once, when I was a kid, someone (Parents, Cousins, Titas or Titos, I can’t remember) locked me in the bathroom. I was merely 4 to 5 years of age. I don’t know why. I don’t want to know. It was only when I stopped struggling to get out did the bastard open the damn door. It took me quite a while before I can recall it (Why? I’ll explain later), but I’m quite sure it was why I’m a bit too quiet. I shut myself up to the world, because there’s something I want. Something I need. I have to get out of the bathroom, so I stop struggling. I stop and be quiet. My antisocialist tendency was a trauma.
There’s huge chunks of my life that all blurry and dark. I suppose those are suppressed memories. Why are they suppressed, I don’t want to know.
So, how did Ate Beth help me? Simple: She help me realized what I truly believe, the Ttruth, Veritas. Ate Beth told me that there’s more than one way, that you can go astray, that you can choose not to follow God’s Will. I do not believe so. Why? Because there is only one Way, Jesus is always at your side to show you the path, and you cannot go astray – you can only stop. You cannot choose not to follow God’s Will, because whatever you choose, that is God’s Will. How come? Because if that is not so, then my existence, is a void. If the flaming darkfriend did not lock me in the bathroom, then who am I today? I am who I am, because I choose to be myself. And that is God’s Will. I wish I can elaborate more, I wish I can explain what’s in my mind, put the fragments of though into sentences, but I cannot. You have to realize it yourself, or it would be pointless.
PS> Jess wrote “The Subsect”, though only 500 copies were printed. Can’t relate? Watch Gilmore Girls. ^_^
- Size (closed): 5.85" wide / 3.33" long / 1.13" tall
- Upper Screen: Backlit, 3-inch, semitransparent reflective TFT color LCD with 256x192 pixel resolution and .24 mm dot pitch
- Touch Screen: Same as upper screen, but with transparent analog touch screen
- Color: Capable of displaying 260,000 colors
- Wireless Communication: IEEE 802.11 and Nintendo's proprietary format; wireless range is 30 to 100 feet, depending on circumstances; multiple users can play multiplayer games using just one DS game card
- Controls: Touch screen, embedded microphone for voice recognition, A/B/X/Y face buttons, plus control pad, L/R shoulder buttons, Start and Select buttons
- Input/Output: Ports for both Nintendo DS game cards and Game Boy Advance Game Paks, terminals for stereo headphones and microphone
- Other Features: Embedded PictoChat software that allows up to 16 users to chat at once; embedded real-time clock; date, time and alarm; touch-screen calibration
- CPUs: One ARM9 and one ARM7
- Sound: Stereo speakers providing virtual surround sound, depending on the software
- Battery: Lithium ion battery delivering six to 10 hours of play on a four-hour charge, depending on use; power-saving sleep mode; AC adapter
- Languages: English, Japanese, Spanish, French, German, Italian
- Color: "Titanium" (silver and black)
- New Color: "Electric Blue" coming June 6, 2005!
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"My head hurts" ~ Boogie
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†A TRIBUTE TO MY DAD‡
†Happy Birthday Daddy!‡
†‡
DAD
I’m in college now
And I’ve got a life to plan around
And I’m nearly a grown man
I’ve got to be all I can
For all the years of stress
And all the years of strife
I know that for me
You only wished the best
And I’m so glad I have you in my life
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
I remember
When I was just a kid
I would fall and skin my knees
And you could always make me smile again
With all your wonderful stories
Of the childhood you once lived
Can you recall
How you would always dry my tears
Yes, and do you remember
How you would catch me if I were to fall
And keep away all my fears
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
I hope someday
I’ll make you proud
I hope, I hope
I’ll never let you down
And I know
Sometimes I made you mad
But I always thought
You were the best Dad
Anyone ever had
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
Maybe someday
When we’re both old
We’ll laugh
About all those ancient stories
Told and retold
I sure understand
Why you sometimes grew upset
And I know, I know
Sometimes I drove you mad
I’ll have to admit
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
The time you showed me
How smart you truly are
Even I thought you were
Just some old football star
And the games we played
For hours on end
And how you taught me
Of Christ and his kin
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
You’ve taught me
And given me so much
What can I do in return?
To show you my love?
I suppose, I suppose
There are still some things
I must learn on my own
And what they are
Really, only Heaven knows
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
So I’m sorry for the pain
And I’m sorry for the stress
But I think you need to know
Our years of father and son
Truly were my best
I’ll always be with you
No matter where you go
I’ll always love you
Even long after I’m on my own
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
And when I have
A son of my own
I’ll have him know
His granddad is the world’s greatest man
I hope I’ve made you proud
And I hope I’ve been a good boy
Thank you
You always kept me safe and sound
And brought me so much joy
So, so…
Times will be good
Times will be bad
Times will be happy
Times will be sad
But just know
I’ll always love you, Dad
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